I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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