Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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