apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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