can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think we sleep fucked last night...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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