How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
