dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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