I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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