Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
