There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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