Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Welp...herpes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
