Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
