Screwed.edu
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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