ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
