Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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