I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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