That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
