at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
