closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
