it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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