Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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