Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
