Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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