I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I believe in your delicious
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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