Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
