Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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