just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
