morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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