he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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