im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
