Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
