my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Even my vagina gasped.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
