it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
