Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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