I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
