Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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