dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
