Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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