Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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