Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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