Ambien. No doubt about it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
