apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
