in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
