Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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