your room smells of hookers.
And success
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
