I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
