i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
