You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
