Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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