I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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