youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
