Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
