trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
