tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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