I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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