we have pet lesbian snakes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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