My brain says no but my pants say off.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
