You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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