Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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