just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
