i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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