peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He shit in the fireplace
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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