My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
