i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
