my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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