he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
