That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
