he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
