I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
