I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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