He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
