just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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