hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
