im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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