I want to stick my p in your. b.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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