Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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