remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
